Monday, January 21, 2008


it's quite a sad thing that scouting has returned to it's own pathetic self again, or rather, remained in it's less than admirable state ever since i left school.

the poor execution of ASPIRE, a foolish acronym for a phrase that I can't remember, and the seemingly incessant politicking in the headquarters is much to be regretted. The number of fuckers and weeds there, apparently, still remain to shake their legs and act like bloody kings.

but what can these 17 year olds do? they can either flare up to set out to destroy the weeds, or stay mellow and let time heal the pain. the former's gonna land them in even more trouble, while the latter does not earn them anything else either.

what i have learnt from my experience is that many things in this world are not fair. if it was, oh chin yu would not have gotten the award. this bastard needed me to carry his bottles for most of his journeys, walked at 1km/h lagging 300m behind me, and yet, showed little appreciation but and, to the delight of the testers but my dismay, got the prestigious award.

so what do you have to say?

disturbed you at 9:29 AM

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


i am exhausted to such an extent that a sudden rush of nor-adrenaline has little effect on my emotions.

tired. yes. tired is the best word to describe how i feel today.

stop making me feel guilty when i think i have a right not to.

i am forever hiding. forever. then we might as well remain status quo all the way - till we become stale and inertia stops things from moving or changing anymore.

1 year and 8 months.

disturbed you at 10:52 PM

Sunday, January 13, 2008


i think all these continual rebuttals against all that i said have dampened my confidence level.

not to say that i am already confident enough from the onset. but i have now resorted to saying "what do you think" at the end of every sentence as a act of humility. to think that KR can say that i am a over-confident prick.

this has become such a habit that i feel like such a small boy whenever decisions have to be made.

when there's no time, asking "what do you think" becomes a burden. but assertively instructing the rest what to do puts you in a situation too - you take resposibility when things go wrong (that's not a very nice thing), or even when things turn out successful, people will remember you only as a obnoxious think-you-know-everything wretch.

in secondary school i used to be always ready to take on responsibilities. but it's different now. when everything you do is wrong, you lose such a great chunk of confidence that you are so unsure of every single thing that you're doing. even going to the loo at the right time.

so if you're close to me, perhaps you can help me a little by attempting to make me feel a little more in control, rather than controlled. i want a lift.

disturbed you at 11:29 PM

Sunday, January 6, 2008


the first few days to the new squadron weren't too impressive but i think that's largely due to sheer exhaustion throughout the day as a result of waking up at crazy hours to make it there on time.

it's not that i haven't gotten used to this (in fact for the past 5 or 6 years it's the same kind of life), but other than being a testimony for my stunted growth such lifestyle can only suffice to make you feel like shit after lunch and being a danger to the safety of the pilots.

shall start my own reading on climate change soon. dear one has started her violin lessons and this heaps more pressure on me to do something for myself. driving has been pretty bad, i almost crashed the other day and it's only slightly more than one month to my test date. but my finances just doesn't allow me to go for extra lessons, so i shall place a gamble to pass with the leanest number of lessons.

no new insights. life has returned to it's usual dullness. and for some reason i haven't been scheduled to start my inspector training which would have made things more interesting, and as a result, i think it's another day of sheer boredom tomorrow.

disturbed you at 10:31 PM

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


for a long time i never felt so sick before.

after 7 x medication of 4 hours each of paracetamol, and a sleepless night when i dreamt about the weirdest of things, i finally feel slightly more clear headed.

carrying a illness into the new year, and stuck home alone with your loved one away is the shittiest of things ever.

and this was enough to force me to rethink whether will it be a good year ahead.

reporting to plab fss tomorrow, i hope i can make it there.

for your interest:

"Fever (also known as pyrexia from the Greek pyretos meaning fire, or a febrile response from the Latin word febris, meaning fever, and archaically known as ague)....Fever is most accurately characterized as a temporary elevation in the body's thermoregulatory set-point, usually by about 1–2°C...Fever is present if:

for more info, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fever

disturbed you at 6:54 PM