Sunday, April 27, 2008
i think things have turned for the better despite recent bouts of emo-ness here and there over the big interview with the CEO of PUB. after that, the high tension eased tremendously and the light at the end of the tunnel certainly looks much brighter than before.
i'll be the happiest man on earth if PUB decides to offer me an award to Imperial College London. I wouldn't be the saddest person living too if they decide to reject me, because I had given it a good effort, at the very least.
i've created a little kind of structure for my life and i'm glad that i got it going. Guitar lessons on tuesdays, Scouts, MINDS on Saturday and Jap on Sundays. i do not need national day parade to screw this schedule up. thank goodness they have not contacted me just yet and i shall leave it that way till everything gets diluted as time passes on.
disturbed you at 9:58 PM
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
i am so tired. so tired of all these competition for the top spots out there. so tired, time after time, of being shown the fact that i am only fairly mediocre in a pool of bright young talents.
i want out. i want to be free of all these struggles and eventual disappointments. but i don't want another 4 years of Singapore-flavoured educational struggles and neither do i want to miss out on the best deal out there.
goh chok tong would call me a quitter. but one day when i am older, and i see teenagers losing steam and hope for living at the age of 18, 19 or 20, i will understand and give them a encouraging pat on the back. these are people who rolled out of favour under the system.
disturbed you at 7:40 PM
Sunday, April 20, 2008
contrary to what i said yesterday, i realised now that being sent to NDP is the biggest shit that can befall on me.
pray, pray for me that i'll stay in FSS. anyhow, it's the better of the 2 evils.
disturbed you at 9:35 PM
Saturday, April 19, 2008
i have gotten exasperated at work, but i must not slacken. the quest to keep all mouth shut must go on. doing otherwise will entwine me in a cycle of doom and that is exactly not what i want.
however, if the damages have already been made, then it might be good to leave the place for NDP to escape more shit from the shithole. from the most unlikely candidate i have since emerged the sole selection. i shall take it as it comes. it could just as well be a blessing in disguise.
either way, after 1 and half years, i have finally lost faith with the force. a little too late for your comfort, but we (fellow stragglers in a sea of doom) ended up at the same place eventually.
disturbed you at 1:26 AM
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
i'm not in the best of moods now. having to wake up at 4.45am the next day certainly doesn't help and realising my musical inadequacies certainly doesn't either.
i realised that for the past 5 years i had a girl to confide in whenever i needed some words of comfort. now that everyone has found love there's no way that i can go back to old ways again. Calling the last few weeks of life a new phase isn't way too inappropriate. i really haven't lived my life like that before.
i am home more than i should these days. but i shall try to make life more fulfilling by scrutinizing every single page on the newspaper, read about worldy affairs on the net and attempt to make music on my guitar. i shall live a parasite off my family, settling my meals on their money to save more for myself. i shall aim to finish my first 42km in 4 hours, so that i can spend the next few days resting without any need for thoughts. i shall initiate more conversations over MSN, especially to boys, so that i can get to know more people and become more of good boy myself.
i'm not in a good mood now because you ain't around.
disturbed you at 11:29 PM
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
SINGAPORE: Transport operator SMRT has clinched the "Best Passenger Experience" award at the inaugural Metro Awards 2008 in Copenhagen, Denmark.
Metro Awards is part of MetroRail, an annual conference of the urban rail industry worldwide which met from 1 to 3 April this year.
Other finalists of the "Best Passenger Experience" award included Copenhagen Metro, MTR Corporation Limited (Hong Kong) and The Warsaw Metro Ltd.
They were judged on factors such as value for money, efficiency and reliability, as well as cleanliness and security.
SMRT said the international award for service excellence came shortly after it won the "Most Customer-Friendly Transport" award, presented by Singapore's Land Transport Authority.
it's amazing how this triumph for SMRT triggered a flurry of remarks. it even prompted mr brown to send his congratulatory message to SMRT.
if you are a frequent rush hour commuter, you will the award nothing but a total scam. what has the SMRT done to improve service? are there TVs showing the latest news on the train? are there seats specially designed and set aside for the elderly? no, not at all, all you see is hundreds of people squeezing like a can of packed sardines.
best passenger experience indeed.
disturbed you at 9:56 PM
was down with flu today after taking the influenza jab yesterday. what irony.
it was one of those sleepy days where you wanted to do nothing but rest and recuperate. i just felt a little lonely and left out at times, because in times like that in the past i would have somebody to talk to.
looks like my plan of applying for more scholarships this year rather than the last backfired. out of four i merely got one reply. furthermore my chances look increasingly stark now because PUB assesses scholars via a wayang show. i'm never good at this.
i spent a few hours thinking what are my career goals. what do i wish to achieve in 10 years time. honestly, i've never dreamt that far and it took me a while to finally conjure some answers for myself. I decided that I want to work in a an organization that is more than just profit-driven, but has a central goal of contributing to the community. I decided too that 10-20 years from now, I want to create a name for myself and the organization I work for by doing something special and meaningful for the community, be it for the environment or in dentistry. Something I will leave concealed except for now: To earn $8000 and above in 10 years time.
it sounds naive, kinda unspecific as well. but that's the best i could come up with for myself for now. i don't work well without a direction set for me. yet, now that I really want to set a direction for myself, the opportunities don't come.
disturbed you at 9:05 PM
Saturday, April 12, 2008
you bring me up and let me down.
either something bad has happened to you, or you're too miserly to do something others would think is absolutely necessary.
disturbed you at 10:18 PM
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
it's the 4th day of the new phase and things have been on the bright side thus far. communication networks are up and running, thanks to the betterment of information technology. i never thought skype allowed for such good voice quality. way to go!
for the past few days, there's a kind of tranquility when i am alone at work. sitting there in the room, i could read, sleep and eat undisturbed. work was ever-present but with calmness in mind you could work through them with significant ease. more importantly, nobody came around to spoil my day. solitude isn't that bad either, huh?
"Brain drain 'affects political renewal here'
In highlighting the issue of students with 4As, are you over-emphasising the importance of exam grades in the search for political talent?
A student who has topped his class or obtained recognition from his university for outstanding performance deserves our consideration.
But I would not judge any individual candidate on his examination grades alone.
I would decide based on the broader picture of the person. Not every good leader will have perfect school results, or have gone to a top university.
But we must not swing to the other extreme and discount those with excellent academic abilities. We already have a smaller pool to select from than most countries. Singaporeans with the right intellectual abilities, leadership skills, motivation and values for political leadership are even harder to come by.
Therefore, the outflow of 150 or more top students a year is a serious concern.
They come from good schools, which have worked hard to develop their leadership and character. Some are school leaders or sportsmen, or have volunteered for community work. They enter some of the best universities in the world, which are also selecting for academic excellence plus leadership, commitment, and that X-factor, and training them to be leaders of tomorrow.
So we should not be surprised that some among these outstanding young men and women will be suitable for politics. Indeed, they carry the hopes of all Singaporeans, who have invested much in them, and who hope that they will one day make great contributions to Singapore."
are we avoiding the real issue behind this here? instead making pleas for these people to come back, which inadvertently also casts the wrong light on them (the impression that they're 'quitters', as 'aptly' described by former PM Goh Chok Tong", are we doing enough to stop the outflow of bright young talents to other countries?
"we are small, we lack natural resources, but we pride ourselves in developing our human resources." it is not uncommon to hear this in Singapore. yet, ironically, isn't it a clear testimony that our efforts in developing our human resources is lacking when we're facing a brain drain of such scales?
take scholarship applications for example. yearly, we're seeing an increase in number of students achieving 4As, or as of last year, achieving excellent results in IB. Yet, are we seeing a similar net increase in the number of scholars? not that i know of thus far. it appears that as the number of excellent achievers increases, the criteria for scholarships are pushed higher (an attempt to sieve out the crème de la crème). this is good for the scholarship boards, for they get the best of the lot. but many equally bright students out there, who might have just fallen a grade short of that required, are left out in the process.
why are we casting a smaller net (or for the benefit of doubt, a net of a similar size) when the shoal of fish has increased in size significantly?
If leadership is not marked by results, as mentioned above, then i think more funds can be provided for more scholarships in the public service sector, in hope of retaining more of the top talents in Singapore and at the same time providing them with the exposure and experience that are trademarks of a future leader. private sectors can be encouraged to put in more funds as well, as i believe that excellent individuals in the private sector can also be tapped upon to be come future leaders of Singapore.
disturbed you at 5:09 PM
Saturday, April 5, 2008
i guess it sounds kinda silly or ninny for a guy to tear on the buses/trains because there was nobody to accompany him that particular day (and this replicates every single day in the future), but i'm just like that and i couldn't really help it.
i'll reveal the dark side of me: down in the airport i had wanted people to see the tears. i'd have welcomed whispers by my side saying, "he looks like he's crying. he must be real sad. poor thing.' attention seeking ploys, in a nutshell. but i tottered away in silence before anyone could notice anything. nobody i wanted to see followed. nobody said a thing. the ploy failed. i went back to my little dark corner in the well, waiting for light to shine in sometime someday.
it's 45 min past 9.30pm. i am still waiting. to forget i need to keep myself busy, but once i have started waiting i am only satisfied when i get what i want.
sheer melodrama, you might say, but that's how it's like for me.
disturbed you at 9:55 PM
Friday, April 4, 2008
tomorrow shall be the start of something new. it's a mere 16 hours away. i don't know how it'll feel, but i earnestly hope that the new experience will taste better than what i expect.
i guess, being who i am, the road ahead's gonna be tough. unless some magical formula falls to me making me more peppy and in turn more likeable, i'll probably end up a sitting duck in some corner waiting to be assailed by the torments of solitude.
emo-ness in action.
perhaps rather than trying so hard to fit in, i should start finding joy in solitude. maybe that's what i'm made for - to create waves and tides all by myself.
disturbed you at 4:27 PM
Thursday, April 3, 2008
i think it'll be interesting to look back one day at our pompous, self-righteous adolescent attitudes. i think it can pack quite a laugh.
saying so, however, will mean that such a condition is merely a phase. i can't be sure that that's the case for me, at least looking 10 years ahead for now.
you try your best not to end up being a snob but sometimes certain things just don't click when you need it, and you end up back to square one. it's a circular cycle, because impressions hardly change over time.
i'm over and done with the imperial college interview. it was short, but wasn't as sweet. it's a 1 in 10 chance of getting in so i obviously don't hold much hope over it. doesn't really matter anyway when none of the boards have replied me after 2 weeks. the mist is clearing and staying in s'pore for the next 5 -6 years is slowly becoming a reality. it's down to 2 choices, right here in hometown Singapore.
For the short-term goals, I shall try to work harder for my Japanese and continue my work as a responsible SGW in the ess-eh-eff. and music lessons shall start soon, i hope.
disturbed you at 12:01 AM