Monday, February 25, 2008


recently i think i lost some motivation in maintaining quality in whatever I do day in day out.

i lost the motivation to maintain my fitness.

i lost the motivation to keep abreast of current events in the world.

i lost the motivation to do things efficiently.

Saturday's event was a total screw up. I think it is regrettable that the event was done for the sake of doing it (reason being the workyear was ending, funds was available and the event had to be done anyway). To make things worse, volunteers showed little enthusiasm throughout the entire event. I could understand that the weather was hot, but surely I didn't need some of them to act like miserable weaklings who couldn't withstand the slightest of sunshine. I didn't need them to act like Mr NUS-Computer-Engineering, who was being a complete moron and incurred my wrath.

If you genuinely wish to help the trainees, then let's let them enjoy the event by trying to find the joy out of it ourselves. More importantly, if the event was specially catered for the trainees, facillitate their participation rather than assist them. Else, it defeats the purpose, isn't it?

But at the same time, I know too that i didn't need to utter obscenities, even if it was out of sheer frustration. i need help to control my temper at times.

milestone of the week: 18th February 2008, I passed my driving test the first time I took it!

disturbed you at 10:39 PM

Friday, February 15, 2008


someone commented that I have a tendency to get damn stressed about certain things when in fact, things can occur smoothly even without additional effort.

I beg to differ. i felt i had to do more because i have experienced the outcome if i hadn't before. yes, questions would have been asked, and suggestions would have been raised (by them), but actions would not have been done till the 11th hour. time would have been wasted, with the task ending as a total disaster.

i don't have the right to say that i can do things better than them, but i can say that i am ready to take ownership of the things required to do and make things happen. is this being overly assertive, or am i also being too sure of myself? i doubt so. past experiences have shown that no one will stand out to take charge unless questions have been raised by the management. by then, a black mark will have already be placed on the entire team.

what was initially a three man job became largely a one man job because the latter two, or rather one of them, failed to achieve tasks requirements repeatedly. being as junior as he is, there is nothing much i could have done but to cover his roles, so as to cover my ass so to say, because i have since taken responsibility and ownership of the task.

yes, i do get stressed up quite easily but the minutest of things. but i doubt that i am making a mountain out of a molehill this time round because i want to have a good 10 months in this place before i leave it for good. a disaster to mark the beginning is the least of things myself and others need.

disturbed you at 1:28 AM

Monday, February 11, 2008


I had wanted quite earnestly to do something fresh for the MYG Family Day but it appears that time is not playing on our side this time round and we've gotta settle for something less ambitious. even so, 2 weeks to plan for a major event for a target audience of 500 is way too little. the choice now is to work like mad (which is not very possible considering my workload), or expect a disaster (yet again).

this 2 weeks is going to be crazy. refer to the to do list below:

1. SQN CNY Dinner
2. MYG Family Day
3. Driving Test (180208). Sigh, I hope I pass
4. Soccer kick-a-bout
5. Sending Jeffery off
6. Steamboat dinner at home
7. Singapore Airshow (recreational, but it's part of the to do list)

I need time, and I need a car, quite badly for these 2 weeks.

but above all, I've gotta first check if it is true that the real income of all Singaporeans have increased over the past year. The recent hike is cinema prices was the threshold.

disturbed you at 12:56 AM

Thursday, February 7, 2008


haven't been here for a pretty long time. several things have happened over the past few weeks and i think it's about time to catch up with them before moving on to new things.

but my severe toothache is causing a mental blockage. which leads to the first thing in my mind now... I have just put on my braces! It's been quite a long drawn affair since last year when i requested to put it on to straighten my teeth but more importantly, improve my speech abilities (I tend to slur and stumble on my words). my parents, perhaps due to financial concerns or other reasons, have repeatedly shunned the topic whenever i brought it up. even now, they still seem to hold some reservations whenever i spoke about it. I reckon it's the finances that they're having concerns about, but i think i have acted responsibly enough by asking them if they were comfortable with me doing my treatment now (i.e are they able to pay the money etc.). Despite doing so, my dad showed little opposition towards my intention, and therefore i proceeded with my plan. Afterall we're sharing costs(i'll pay for the treatment every alternate month), and i'm giving them all my angbao money for the treatment. So...i don't think i'm being selfish or what either.

the other significant event took place last saturday...the TH CNY carnival. the event inadvertently provoked some thoughts. the event turned out well in the end, despite various screw-ups during the course of the programme. from my perspective, these unfortunate happenings occured because there was no one to take charge. Yes, I was the co-chair of the event, but that didn't give me enough authority, especially moral ones, to command and steer the entire team. there were numerous time when i found myself eager to take charge but withdrew because i was the vice-chair, not the chair. i don't know if this is a result of the army culture, where if you're someone lower in rank, all you need to do is to listen and do. Or, in a environment where all are equal in rank, the more you take charge, the more likely you'll be labelled as the indian chief. what do you do in this position?

motivated to do better the next time, i accepted the request to join the MYG family day committee. i think it'll be a good learning experience anyhow, despite the fact i'll be very busy and will have less time to spend with dear.

recently my mum's been getting quite cranky, getting at me quite often for no good reason. i presume she has been feeling quite upset that i haven't been home too often for the past few months, but i hope she understands that i haven't been out to look for fun or get myself into trouble, but rather to do work, volunteer and of course spend time with dear. furthermore, at this age, i don't expect myself to stay home for long everyday. i should be out there carving out new experiences, isn't it?

disturbed you at 12:35 AM