Saturday, March 29, 2008
what a way to start your day with a ultra-chirpy assistant having comments about every single thing that you do, when all you needed was an undisturbed morning to recuperate from the lack of sleep.
but i thought displayed good tolerance to last the entire morning, despite being close to losing my cool many a times. every time he had something to say, i returned a contrived smile.
not bad for now.
disturbed you at 11:55 PM
Thursday, March 27, 2008
new targets to look forward to keep myself busy:
25th May: National Runway Cycling
31st May: Sundown Marathon (42km) with scout bros
24th August: Army Half Marathon
7th December: Standard Chartered Marathon (42km)
and i must pick up a musical instrument, no matter what.
disturbed you at 11:21 PM
i had this sense of deja vu last night.
exactly 5 years ago i spent the night of 26th March busily counting and making sure that everything I did was perfect.
last night I did the same, but it's different in purpose and very much more special.
disturbed you at 8:52 PM
one week has passed and still no replies from any of the boards. i think the interview with imperial college next week is gonna be customary, since i will have no means of getting there even if i get a place. it's difficult to motivate yourself to start preparing for a test like that.
being condemned to the dark realms of SOCC ain't that bad if you have somebody you can speak your heart to there (of course, being stuck there with some unfriendly bugger will make it a hell of an experience). unsurprisingly, i gave away much more information to someone i had only known for a few days than what would have been deemed appropriate by others. i felt that there was nothing to lose, since if we met on the streets it will be a hi-and-bye kind of thing, acquaintances and nothing more.
i must have sounded overly demoralised over my failed application for medicine and scholarships that he felt it was too much for my own good. then came the motivational comments that no matter what come may, it is always best to pursue your own dreams than to take a detour which can bring you spiralling down to non-existence. 'yes i have a place overseas, but i lack the cash,' and came the reply, 'there are plenty of scholarships around, it's best to pursue your dreams.' 'but in singapore, you know the competition for these awards, i am just a normal 4A student(sigh)' and he replied, 'it's always best to pursue your dreams.' Every single subject ended off with that comment. he gave his reasons, and i agreed.
but to tell you the truth, i don't really know what's my dream. nobody really taught me how to dream, i just took every single opportunity that came by in my life. now, at this crossroad, i find it weird, somewhat contrived, that i have to choose what would be the best career path to take, or in other words, choose the best 'dream', for i never had a big thoughts or plans how to spend my life.
it's back to square one again.
disturbed you at 12:15 PM
Sunday, March 23, 2008
i think recently i've gone back to old ways again. that kind of reactionary, senseless temperament that was is part of me. I've never really made substantial effort to change it, but for a while in the past few months it has gotten better until recently when work started to pile up and priorities began to switch about, making me confused and frustrated in the process.
i will need to try harder. anger breeds failure, and i know that. people have been telling me that. i don't want to blow my top, or get unnecessarily stressed over the simplest of stuffs again. i don't need to vent my anger by making reactionary comments that can upset people, or those around me.
i don't need to be like darren, mascherano or jeremiah wright. in the battle of words, these people actually lost, when they thought they won.
i've got to put up the barriers quickly to prevent the upsurge of anger. when she's gone, there will be one less person to do the checks and balances (she's gotta do it on her own too, i guess).
i want to be a happier person.
disturbed you at 11:48 PM
Friday, March 21, 2008
i just want to forget about yesterday night. in a half drunken state, i would have acted differently, either spouted nonsense or became freaking quiet. the barrage of comments and jokes on monday back in the bloody shithole is not welcomed.
despite so, i felt quite proud of myself yesterday. at least I had the decency (even when I wasn't sober at all) to make sure people got home safety, then, totter alone all the way out of the shithole 2.5 km away, get a cab, had the initiative to get a few plastic bags for myself in case i puke. because i told myself to keep on going.
i ain't the most well-liked personlity around. so it wasn't surprising that they didn't have a name for me. but if you can't suggest anything good, shut the fuck up. i would have drank all the way to tell you that I was not joking.
Well, move on.
disturbed you at 9:33 AM