Thursday, June 5, 2008
in medical terms, it's called autophobia. i've probably caught a variant of this illness, where an 'overdosage' of autophobic hours induced a certain numbness within myself. i am now autophilic, the numbness having suppressed the phobia that threatens to erupt when favourable conditions allows it to.
the proceedings for today brought me to this realization. going to australia will potentially be a hell of an experience, but not when you're the only one of 'your kind' there and when you're inadequately trained and not proficient in your job. it'll take a hell lot effort (and put into consideration my inability to forge human bonds) to fit in and make yourself feel comfortable. and the fact that i know that i am sent there for several reasons at the back alley takes away the sweetness of it all. nothing's ever too good in the armed forces.
somehow, i'd rather not be made known of this opportunity. that way life goes back to the routine and there'll be little that needs to cross my mind.
disturbed you at 12:05 AM